On Monday I posted an article about the NYC Soda Ban. Apparently I hit a sensitive spot because my blog broke the single-day viewing record. Whether you all were just incredibly bored or had a case of the Mondays, we may never know. What I do know is that there was no shortage of opinions that came my way – both on Facebook and in person. One of my oldest friends even told me I sounded a lot like Hitler, advocating that the obese should be rounded up and put into work camps until they were thin. Not a bad idea Stacy, but not my style.
Now before you get all huffy, I’m not about to defend Hitler. Not at all. He was a very evil man – one of the worst this planet has ever seen. He had no redeeming qualities. None. I will in no way compliment him. Neither will I compliment his wife, friends, or even his dog. Nope. Not happening. He is the only reason I hope Hell really exists. An eternity of nothingness would be way too good for him.
Most of you already understand what I’m getting at, but like an aspiring politician I need to explain myself to the lowest common denominator. I want The Sarcastic caveman to be a site everyone can benefit from, even if they don’t enjoy it. I’m trying to inspire people to become fit by treating them harshly. I make no secret of that. There are a million sites out there that will offer you plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, obesity soars. I thought I would do something different. I’m not forcing my beliefs on anyone. If you don’t like the way I talk to you, go elsewhere. I know I myself really just need a good swift kick in the ass sometimes.
As some of you know, I used to be a fat guy. I never considered myself fat or obese – just overweight. Maybe I didn’t want to admit it, but deep down I knew it was true. It took a car accident and 3 months of forced immobility to make me admit how unhappy I was. I promised myself that once I’d gotten back on my feet I would change that. I knew I was a smart guy with a lousy physique, so one quote really stuck with me. “You have the mind but you have not the body, and without the help of the body the mind cannot go as far as it should. I am giving you the tools, but it is up to you to make your body.”
After. Guess Who?
His father, actually. You’ve got to admire what the guy accomplished back in the day when there was no internet and most books dealing with health recommended arsenic or mercury to treat syphilis. You see, my man Teddy didn’t have all the resources we have today, and he still made himself into one of the manliest men in the history of balls. So what did he have that you don’t? He had resolve and determination. That’s what it comes down to, my dearies. That’s what I’m doing here. That’s why I call you guys names like “fatty” and “lunchbox”. I’m the guy who’s going to give it to you rough and hard.
Besides, if it hasn’t become clear by now, I’m really just talking to the guy I used to be.